San Francisco

By the time we got to San Francisco, it was around nine o'clock at night. Our hotel was on the corner of Van Ness and Lombard, which was swarming with cars and pedestrians. When we went to check in, we were informed that we were finally able to cash in on the promotional deal Choice Privileges was running: 1 + 1 = free. Basically, if you stay two nights at one of their hotels, you'r entitled to a free room on your third night. Having stayed in participating hotels every night for about two weeks now, we were relieved to see our loyalty finally payed off; even though the deal seemed more like 1 (week) + 1 (week) = 1 night. Our room had an amazing view of the Golden Gate Bridge, and after taking in the scene for a few moments, we headed out on the town to find something to eat.

We decided on a steakhouse across the street from the hotel, called Bobo's. We were severely under dressed in our sneakers and hoodies, so we let our appetites do the talking; double surf and turf. After feasting, we both agreed that a long walk around the city was in order. After walking for a while, we stumbled into an entertainment district, where Jojo was lured into a corner bar by the shrieking voice of Steven Perry; she'll never stop believing. After convincing the bar tender that I didn't know any of the fist pumping cast members of the Jersey Shore, we sipped our beers and sorted out the details of the following day. Satisfied with our plans, we walked back to the hotel and fell asleep to Sandra B. in "The Blindside."

We were up early the next day, and ready to eat. We walked down to the Fisherman's Warf and found a restaurant on the water. We sat outside on the deck and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast overlooking the harbor, where fishing and sightseeing vessels navigated around Alcatraz Island, just a quarter of a mile off the coast.

After breakfast, we made our way to the Alcatraz tour lines. Jojo's preparedness paid off. As soon as we entered the pre-ordered ticket line to pick up our tickets, a tour guide announced that all tours for the day were sold out. We smiled while everyone else in line moaned, groaned, and left the area. We still had a few hours to kill before our boat left for the Island, so we decided to have few early afternoon cocktails; we had to ready our sea legs.

As our boat reached the island, the large sign on the outer rock piles warned passers by of the penalties that came with aiding escaped convicts. It only heightened our excitement. Once we stepped foot on the island, we followed a tour guide that was giving a thirty minute walking tour, themed on his research of the escape attempt of Joseph Bowers, Alcatraz inmate #210. It was a completely original, fact-based conspiracy story, that allowed the guide to teach his listeners a small piece of Alcatraz history, while showing them some of the main points of interest on the island, and excited them for the self guided audio tour inside the cell-house. The audio tour was narrated by previous inmates of Alcatraz, as well as former guards and staff members.

We saw the cells where three inmates carved through the interior walls of their cells to sneak into a crawlspace that led them to the roof. Once they were in the open, they made it to the water, readied their rafts (made from raincoats), and slipped into the harbor. It was the only successful escape attempt from Alcatraz. All three men were presumed dead, due to the stormy waters and strong currents that most likely swept the men out to sea. We also viewed the recreation yard, where Jojo commented, "It couldn't have been that bad. Look at the view they had!", as she stared out at the Golden Gate Bridge and the San Francisco Skyline.

We were shocked to see blast marks in the cement floor where U.S. Marines dropped hand grenades into a small holding area where inmates murdered prison guards during the Battle of Alcatraz, in 1946.

We spent hours on the island, completely infatuated with the stories of Al Capone, George "Machine Gun" Kelly, and Robert Stroud "The Birdman of Alcatraz, and their time on the island.

We stayed so long that we had to catch the very last ferry back to shore. After two weeks in close quarters with Joanna, I decided this was my chance to get some alone time. The last ferry was leaving at 6:15; I told her 7, and excused myself to go to the bathroom. By the look on her face as she sprinted towards the ferry, I could tell she wasn't amused. She didn't say much to me on the way back to shore, but I knew what she was thinking: Alcatraz was one of the most interesting destinations we've experienced so far.

(The Rec yard)

For dinner, we had to make a stop in Chinatown. We asked a few locals where the best Chinese food was, and they pointed us to the R & G Lounge. The food was excellent. Having eaten an authentic Chinese meal in the countries largest Chinatown, we felt that our stay in San Francisco was complete (even though we didn't see a single member of the Tanner family)

Seattle to Oregon

The next morning, we decided to skip breakfast so we could explore the Pike Place Market some more. Browsing all of the fresh produce and seafood started to make us hungry, so we got a table at the Pike Place Pub & Brewery, situated right on the harbor. During lunch, Jojo succeeded in persuading me to "Ride the Duck," a land and sea tour of Seattle that we had seen everywhere since we arrived in the city. After we finished sampling their homemade beer menu, we made a reservation on the Duck. We had three hours to kill before the tour, so we decided to go to the Seattle Museum of art. The focus was mainly modern art, which was disappointing.

There were multiple Andy Warhol works on display, which Jojo seemed to enjoy, but I had trouble finding the art in a multicolored Marilyn Monroe. As we left, Jojo started jumping out of her skin: It was time to "Ride the Duck."

Our captain, Davey Quacket, guided us through Seattle in a land/sea craft that looked like a machine leftover from W.W. II. He explained the origins of the city, and how it was destroyed by fire. When It was rebuilt, the city engineers decided to raise the streets ten feet, to avoid flooding in the market area. After reconstruction of the city was finished, the elevated streets were built with skylights, providing sunlight to the subterranean city that the new city was built over top of. The subterranean section of the city still functions today as a marketplace. After touring the city, Quacket took us to Lake Union, an international waterway within the city, where seaplanes landed and took off every few minutes.

We were curious to see our craft make the conversion from a land vehicle, to a boat, and were pretty impressed when Captain Quackett casually drove the craft down a boat ramp into the water, and out to sea. He made a loop around the lake, highlighting the seaplane airport, downtown Seattle, Gasworks Park (where the paintball scene from "10 Thing I Hate About You" was filmed), and Tom Hanks' house in the movie, "Sleepless in Seattle."

After the tour, we went back to hotel and regrouped before dinner. It was our last night in Seattle, and all we wanted to do was roll our sleeves up, put some bibs on, and feast on all of the fresh seafood; from the boat, to our table. We found a place, out over the water, called The Crab Pot. We ordered beers, wine, and an Alaskan Pot.

This little pot of well-seasoned heaven was overflowing with Dungeness, Snow, and King crab legs, local clams, mussels, shrimp, potatoes, and chunks of corn-on-the-cob, all covered in homemade seafood seasonings. Our waitress gave us our bibs, wooden planks and mallets, put brown paper sheets over the table, then dumped the entire pot of food right in front of us. We looked at each other for a moment with wide eyes, and smiled from ear to ear; This was Seattle. It was everything we hoped it would be, and more.

When we rolled back to our hotel room, we were too full to sleep. We ordered "Up in the Air," hoping it would calm some of the excitement leftover from our seafood feast. Our last night in Seattle slowly came to an end, as visions of King crabs and Clooney danced in our heads.

We were heading South down the Pacific Coast, through Oregon, when Jojo reminded me of a stop we had to make before we could go to California.

The Oregon Vortex is a nationally known house of mystery. The whole area was said to have some type of unexplainable force that changed the visual perception, (or body mass, according to some theories) of those who entered it. Even respected scientists and physicists, including Albert Einstein, attempted to calculate theories explaining the vortex. I was skeptical; then we walked inside.

The Mystery house was a one-room, rectangular cabin, built decades ago by miners. Exposed to the elements over the years, its foundation had crumbled at one corner, sending the cabin on a steep tilt. As we listened to our tour guide outside the cabin, my balance felt off. I ignored it. Our guide was trying to explain to the crowd how nobody in the vortex stands upright at any point. Instead, our natural reaction to the whirl of force inside the vortex is to stand, leaning towards magnetic north; making us think we are standing upright. According to the Vortex website (http://www.oregonvortex.com/), "as another person, on a level platform, recedes from you towards magnetic South, they appear taller. When they approach you, coming towards magnetic North, they become shorter. This is contrary to the laws of perception."

We walked inside the cabin. Plum lines hung from the ceiling using the laws of gravity to hang vertically level. However, when the guide placed a vertical block on a level surface, next to the hanging plum line, the line was no longer vertically level, but the block was. Inside the cabin, which was on a deceiving twelve foot tilt, I started to feel sick. When the guide rolled a glass bottle away from her, down an incline, it slowed, then rolled back to her, as if she was rolling the bottle uphill. I started to get dizzy. When she rolled a golf ball down what seemed to be, a steeply declining plank, it slowly made its way to the bottom of the board, then rolled quickly, UPHILL, back towards her.

I had to leave. Jojo stayed, trying to figure out the place with a baffled look upon her face. Through conversations within crowd, I was led to believe that there were at least three men, including myself, who seemed to have some basic knowledge of creating structures at leveled points, and were familiar with the lines and levels she was using. Each man seemed to ask the guide questions with bewildered enthusiasm; completely dumbfounded. Our description of this vortex can do almost nothing to explain the weirdness of that place. The only way a person could truly (understand?) the Oregon Vortex, is to experience it themselves. Especially when it comes to the giant orbs of light that appear in a large number of tourist's pictures. Even though I was standing outside of the cabin (but still in the vortex), on what I thought was a level surface, I still felt as if I was being pulled off balance. Jojo had given up trying to figure the cabin out, and was ready to drive to San Francisco.

On our way, we tried stopping in Portland for a D3, but the first place we went had a line out the door, and the second was closing as we entered.

We settled on a third D3; Otto's, a homemade hotdog stand across the city. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTZE_Nc7kA4) The drive was not a pleasant one, partially because we had to settle for hotdogs, but mainly because we kept getting lost.

When we finally got to eat the hotdogs, we were forced to give them 1 burp. We've boiled better dogs at home. We were going to San Francisco. . . with the scent of hotdogs in our hair.

Idaho & Seattle

We were up and ready to go the next morning, bright and early. Having missed Yellowstone by a day, we were focused on finding a D3 to drown our sorrows.

Our original plan was to drive straight through to Seattle to see what they had to offer, but Jojo found a diamond in the rough along the way: Donn's Kodiak Grill, in Boise, Idaho. Not only did the restaurant look amazing, but stopping in Boise would cut the drive to Seattle in half. We checked into a hotel, washed up, and went to an early dinner.

When we sat down at the Kodiak, we noticed the wide array of costumers around us. There were leather clad bikers, dust covered a.t.v. riders, well-dressed business people, and tired travelers like us. If there's one thing Jojo and I have learned so far, it's that an eclectic group of costumers means that the food is usually good enough to pull diners from all over. Luckily, we didn't have to wait long after we ordered.

Our food was on the table before we finished our beers. Joanna ordered the Big Bear Burger: a juicy burger, topped with a smoked sausage link, all between two fluffy buns. I ate half. It was unbelievable. I ordered a pot roast steak sandwich with fried onions and chipotle mayo. It was on par with Jojo's burger. She ate half. It was unbelievable. All together, Donn's Kodiak Grill receives 5 burps. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmLytVh90t4)

We left the restaurant convinced that nothing else Boise could offer would top those sandwiches. We went straight back to the hotel and hit the sack early; the west coast was close. We had no time to waste.

Seattle came into view around five pm; just in time for rush hour traffic. We weren't worried. To get in the Seatlle mood, I put Pearl Jam's "Vitalogy" in the cd player, turned the volume up, and headbanged through crowded freeways. It's safe to say, we knew we would enjoy Seattle just by the traffic. Unlike Philadelphia, when we needed to switch lanes, we didn't have to get out and fight the guy behind us to let us pass. Friendly traffic means happy citizens; and they were happy because they lived in such a beautiful city. The one thing we really noticed was how clean the whole city looked. There was no graffiti on buildings or trash in gutters. Public transit busses were powered by electric lines, suspended in air over every street, like spider webs. It made the air smell clean and fresh; not like the typical, bus smell that we areused to in our Northeastern cities.

We checked into our hotel, Downtown, and went to a little Mexican restaurant down the street for some dinner. With our bellies full on Mexican food, we figured we'd get into the Irish mood at a local pub called McMenamins; it was St. Patty's day after all. We ordered drinks and talked for a while with the bar tender and some of the staff. They gave us the lowdown on all the fun things Seattle had to offer. We were surprised at how friendly and accommodating everyone was. It made us feel right at home. As we were walking back to our hotel, we both commented on the overall safeness of the streets. almost everyone we passed gave us a friendly nod.

The next morning, we started early with our first Seattle D3. We drove across town, to Voula's Offshore Cafe, and settled in for a big breakfast. We were shown to a table with a view of the harbor and sat quietly, admiring the smell of hashbrowns. While we waited for our food, we went back and forth with conversations about moving to Seattle. We hadn't even been in the city for twenty-four hours, but we could already see ourselves as locals. Jojo shook with excitement when our food was delivered.

Her Greek Hobo covered the entire plate. It was an omlette with mushrooms and sausage, topped with hashbrowns and melted feta cheese. My chipotle pork eggs benedict was huge, and smothered with hollandaise sauce. when we were finished, we both agreed on three burps. The food was good, but didn't live up to its presentation. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfH_JXkVzWc)

After breakfast, Jojo and I decided to tour the Seattle Science-fiction and music museums. With both museums under the same roof, we knew we would be spending a lot of time there. We decided to do the music portion first, as Seattle was home to some of our favorite musicians.

The first exhibit featured Jimi Hendrix. It was full of his guitars, videos of his concerts, hand-written lyrics, and interviews of Jimi describing his creation process. The highlight of the exhibit was a video of Jimi playing the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock; we had chills looking at the very guitar he played the anthem on, in a glass case right in front of us.

You could see the worn spots on the frets where he bent his strings. It was inspiring, to say the least. The next exhibit was called "Taking Aim: Unforgettable Rock 'n' Roll Photographs Selected By Graham Nash." All of the portraits were of famous musicians throughout different eras of music. From a naked John Lennon, to an airborne Elton John, to a crowd surfing Eddie Vedder, every famous photo of a musician you could think of was on display. We were in heaven.

After browsing through the music museum for an hour or two, we made a quick pass through the science fiction museum, then headed for the space needle.

This took some pretty persuasive speaking on Joanna's part, as it's a widely known fact that I absolutely despise heights. As we shot up the glass elevator, I had to question the structural integrity of a giant concrete disk, on top of three metal pillars. But it didn't matter at that point. We were seconds away from stepping out onto the viewing platforms to get a three hundred and sixty degree view of the Seattle skyline.

My fears calmed a bit when we stepped outside and saw the beautiful view. On two sides we were surrounded by mountain ranges. On another side, the harbor, opening up to the Pacific Ocean.

Then there was the Seattle skyline, with Mount Rainier looming large in the distance.

After a million photo ops, we went back inside and had a couple of cocktails while we soaked up the view.

We knew we couldn't stay up there forever. It was sixty-five degrees and sunny, and we had a million things to do. after leaving the space needle, we boarded the monorail right outside, and rode it into heart of the city.

As we walked the streets en route to the Pike Place market (where they throw fish around like hotcakes) we were overwhelmed with young people holding a hundred forms of protests for a hundred different issues. Everywhere we turned, angry youth had something to tell us. As we strolled the market, vendors came up with interesting ways to sell you their fresh fruits, fish, vegetables, jewelry, music demos, musical performances, poetry readings, and just about everything else you could think of. None of them forced anything upon people. If someone liked what they heard or saw, they stopped and talked to the vendors; If not, they were left alone. It allowed for a pressure free and friendly experience. We stopped for a while to watch an old man play the blues on his acoustic guitar before he switched over to Gnarles Barkley's "Crazy." It wasn't to bad, so we stayed a little bit longer, then found a quiet little chowder cafe, overlooking the harbor, where fishing boats unloaded their daily catch.

We had a small lunch of fresh salmon chowder and clam chowder, with a couple of mid-day cocktails. It tasted like the salmon had just been caught a few hours before. It set the seafood bar pretty high, but we both knew the rest of Seattle would have no problem meeting the standard.

After lunch, we searched around the market area for a pawn shop. I forgot my guitar at home, so i wanted to treat myself to a pawned guitar; something cheap that we could beat up, or carve. We found something simple and cheap, and started walking back to the hotel; debating our dinner options. Those debates stopped when one of those activist-hipster-sandaled-beard-guys crept up on us. His mission was tiresome, condescending, and unreasonable. After following us for a block, he noticed his annoyance on our faces; a lot of self-restraint.

We decided we needed another D3 for dinner. A strange and small place called Bizarro's Italian Cafe. The decor of the restaurant was creepy and bizarre. Upside down Rickshaws and kitchen sets, and a miniature piano stage for mid-meal concerts by oversized players. It made us laugh.

The featured dishes were Linguine and Clams, and Elk Bolognese. Jojo had the clams; it was a sultry affair. Complete with pancetta and roasted jalapenos, Joanna said that she felt as if she was cheating on her mom. She had never ordered Linguini and Clams in any other restaurant, ever. In her eyes, her mother's was truly the pinnacle recipe for the dish, and had never thought to bring a third party into the mix. With guilt-ridden eyes, she sipped the sauce slow. The excitement on her face forced me to taste. I no longer needed my Elk Bolognese. The game was up; the word was out: This was the greatest Linguine and Clams, we had ever eaten. Five Burps.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRCzOmol7RI)